Lululemon Warehouse Sale

The Lululemon Warehouse Sale

I am a recent devotee of yoga and have been trying to downward dog for about six months now.  I am not a petite little bendable flower so the progress has been nothing if not slow.  I started doing yoga to increase my core strength and hopefully eliminate the occasional back pain that would knock me out for a week or two at a time.  I invested in a very expensive and over-sized mat from Manduka because at 6’6″ tall I had trouble staying within my normal mat boundaries and I have been extremely happy with that choice.  Being a new yogi has put me in touch with the yoga underground and I somehow found my way to a Facebook page dedicated to the Lululemon warehouse sale that was happening in Minneapolis at the convention center.  So it was with a little excitement that I woke up Friday morning and headed off towards downtown in search of a mat for my daughter and maybe a shirt for me.

I am cheap.  I admit it, I am cheap.  I went to the Lululemon sale simply because I wanted to save a few bucks on a high quality mat.  Mats that sell for $68.00 on their web site were going to be $27 at the warehouse sale.  When I was researching mats it came down to Lululemon and Manduka and I ended up with Manduka because they had a lifetime replacement guarantee and being my size I wear things out.  I know that Lululemon sells high-quality clothes so I was off in search of a XXL and tall shirt, if such a creature exists in the Lululemon universe.

Remember how I said I was cheap?  I drove to the convention center the week before in search of free parking.  It turns out there is a ton of free parking by the Minneapolis Convention Center, you simply have to park across the freeway from downtown and walk across the two bridges that frame the Convention Center on the East and West.  While there is indeed a ton of parking it turns out that spaces there are a hot commodity because of the apartments that permeate the neighborhood.  It was early when I got there, about 7:15 AM, so that meant that people who lived in that neighborhood took their cars and headed off to work.  I ended up finding a space two blocks from the Convention Center so life was great!

Lululemon Mania

I walked the two blocks and approached the Minneapolis Convention Center from the West Side.  I entered the building from a side door and found out that I was on the wrong side of the convention hall.  The Sports Show was happening that weekend as well and I ended up walking by a ton of boats and RVs that were there gleaming and taunting.  The convention center is big so it was a long walk to the other side and when I got there I was happy to see that the line did not appear to be too long.  Oh, how Lululemon tricked me on that one!  The line inside indeed was not bad, but what I did not see from my angle of attack was that the line ended at the door and continued outside the door.  I got through the doors and saw that the line snaked down the side of the building and that footprint is large, the line being over a block long at that point.  Alas.  I thought getting there an hour early would be good enough but I was mistaken.

The wait was torturous in so many ways for a guy like me.  The weather was great, so I had no complaints there, but about 90% of the people there were women.  They were lithe and athletic-looking women who looked like they could do any yoga pose without breaking a sweat.  I big guy like me stood out.  Which one was not like the others?  That would be me.  I stood about a foot taller than everyone else in line and I was about double their weight.  I would occasionally see another male soul who was there with his significant other, and I was flying solo.  It took forever, or so it seemed, to even make it inside the building, and once we passed through the doors we were confronted with a maze that took another hour to traverse.  I ended up spending about three hours in line and when I was near the front I ended up getting stopped right before I was to enter the main hall and look for my goodies.  Of course I was.

Lululemon Merchandise

When my time had come I had already seen all of the prices and knew what I wanted anyway.  Lululemon had set up everything by size and the women were like bees attacking their size section and pulling clothes off the racks like it was a Filene’s Basement bridal gown sale.  I did not see any clothes for men.  Since I could not see any men’s clothes I decided to look for a mat first.  There were not any normal mats.

I did see a Lululemon towel mat that was an odd combination of towel and yoga mat, but that did not interest me.  I saw a wispy woman carrying a mat so I asked her where she had found it.  She looked like a deer in the headlights and told me she found it on the floor and she ran away.  I circled the accessories twice looking for mats but I was out of luck.  They did have yoga straps and water bottles, but I did not need those items and even when clearanced, I could find both of those items cheaper at any athletic store in my neighborhood.

I then renewed my search for a top for me.  I am tall and do not have the typical yoga physic so I knew I needed a 2X shirt in a tall size if it existed.  I finally found two little racks of men’s shirts and they too were sorted by size.  I looked at the XXL shirts and had a good laugh because from the looks of the size of the shirt it looked as if it was made for an XXL child.  It ran a wee bit small.

Alas.

I left Lululemon empty in hand and heart.  The line was as long as it was when I got there in the morning and over four hours had passed.  I went home with my dauber down and figured I would just go to Target to find my daughter a mat.  I went online and found two perfectly wonderful XXL tall shirts from Kohl’s so I am happy there too.

I will continue to do yoga and maybe one day too I will be stunning and lithe and look like I wear patchouli oils and sandals and eat tree bark.  I will be ready the next time Lululemon’s warehouse sale comes to town and I will find something to buy, especially if I have to weight four hours in line.  I will still stand a foot taller than most yogis but my heart will be pure and true, even if I am not wearing Lululemon’s fine quality attire.

Namaste.

Black Friday

Black Friday came and went and I was entirely unaffected by it.

On Black Fridays past I would sometimes go out early in the morning to scamper for deals or I would camp overnight in front of a Best Buy.  I did not do any of that this year and I am for the better.  Black Friday has turned into something not very special anymore and the retailers themselves are to blame.  Instead of opening at 6:00 AM the Friday after Thanksgiving, a lot of stores now open at Midnight of Thanksgiving or some open earlier.

What does this mean for Black Friday?  It has always been a commercial event but now it is at the point of ridiculous.  You can get most of the deals they offer early in the morning on any given day before Christmas.  Yes, Black Friday is a Christmas-themed holiday.  It is not Ramadan, it is not Quanza, it is not Hanukkah, it is Christmas.  By opening earlier they really beat up on their employees, they really are overselling an event, and I predict that in twenty years if this continues that Black Friday will cease to exist.

Why do they only have one Superbowl a year?  It makes it special, it makes it exciting, people build up to it, and they sell a ton of commercials to companies willing to pay for exposure to a billion pair of eyes.  By extending Black Friday they are diluting Black Friday and soon it will be so diluted that it will mix with the rest of all the other days of the year.

I did not go to one store on this Black Friday.

I did go out and buy a paper, I did peruse the millions of ads, and I did look online for any deals that may have been too good to pass up.  I did not see any.  I do not want to go to Walmart in the morning and fight with all the scrum for a video game that would save me ten dollars.  I did not want to go to Best Buy to seek out another electronic gadget that will be obsolete in only a few short years.  I did not want to drag my ass out of bed for Target for a $2 waffle maker.  I am done with that!

This year was peaceful.  I got plenty of sleep and plenty of rest.  I helped my wife put up Christmas lights.  Well, helped may be a bit strong but I was there.  As an aside, have you ever notices that it is only the houses with married couples where they put out lights?  I am sure the men are offered sex in exchange for that loathsome little chore.  I have never seen lights on a house that held a single male.  It is genetically incongruant.

Black Friday and the disappearing of Thanksgiving.

The biggest thing to take away from this Black Friday is that it is now going to continue to eclipse Thanksgiving.  You see, opening at midnight will not be enough.  Soon retailers will be opening on Thanksgiving at 6:00 PM so they can beat the competition.  I am tired of commercialism taking over our culture.  If we continue as a country down this path we will soon have nothing to hold onto of our past.

Black Friday is also when the White House dumps news onto the public.  They do this because all of the reporters are home stuffing their faces.  We get policies implemented or people fires, all hidden on the holidays.  This year in the President’s Thanksgiving speech he claimed that Thanksgiving has always been about giving back to the community.  BULLSHIT!  Thanksgiving has always been a celebration to God for the bounty he has given us.  I am tired of this President raping our language and he thinks because he utters something it is true.  I have never in my life seen a man so disengaged from reality in my life.  He needs to go away and retire and cater to Michelle’s every whim.

I have an idea.  Why doesn’t he take her out shopping on Black Friday?